Godly Menstruation

I don’t know how did I ever agree to this but I am in a relationship with a believer. Unfortunately, once you taste the sweet poison called love there is no going back. I’m stuck with having to swallow the holy crap, daily. But I am also sure that I am not alone and for those unfortunate ones, I am sharing a secret ritual which helps me survive the holy shit that I happen to find myself in daily. I call it Godly Menstruation.

The ritual is pretty simple and from the name you may have got the gist of it. But for clarity I’ll explain in detail. When I’ve had too much of the God shit, I menstruate. I use my partner’s brain as my sanitary pad and I use my tongue to purge out the bloody mess. I don’t worry about the stink it causes or the stains it leaves behind. I just reach the point where my brain cannot hold the holy seeds any more and then it just flows out with all the defence systems that were built to protect the seeds from taking roots.

Obviously, the Godly menstruation was named so because of it’s similarity to women’s menstruation. Both occur on an average every four weeks. The only way to avoid a stinky bloody mess caused in both the cycles from being an object of public disgust is to absorb it on to a sanitary pad (albeit of different kinds). Of course, they both make the person suffer from premenstrual syndrome which has symptoms of ‘sufficient severity to interfere with some major aspects of life.’ The Godly menstruation cycle results from the interference whereas women’s menstruation cycle results in interference with the major aspects of life.

Because the menstruation is triggered by a combination of hormonal, emotional, and intellectual factors, the cycle is beyond conscious control. In my case, I adopt the tone of the New Atheists and quote lines from the most recent Dawkins book that I’ve read. The purging often results in a mix of arguments that no rational person can argue against. The verbal diarrhoea is of course of a unique composition every time and that makes Godly menstruation slightly different. This difference is also responsible for the little joy that I derive from Godly menstruation and as such it is a respite from the month long sufferance.

Of course, once the menstruation is over the next month becomes bearable but only because another Godly menstruation is to follow.


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